i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
