Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
