I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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