I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
