I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you traded sex for a burrito?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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