I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
