I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this just has baby written all over it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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