id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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