It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
