Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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