You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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