so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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