Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
