I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
