Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Alive.
So much puke
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
