sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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