I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
