Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're a waste of cheezeits
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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