I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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