The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
