So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
where am i from again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
