high people should be assigned attendants
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I just sharted jello shots
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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