I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
