her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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