Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
