i barfeds in our rink
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
