new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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