he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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