Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
