Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
