Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
