jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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