Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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