Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
