I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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