Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need a burrito and a hug.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
