I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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