And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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