that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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