Buhtt sex?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
