Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
