I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
