So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
