She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
