no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
