She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
