How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
