Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
