So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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