If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?