how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
