You're my little dorito
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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