Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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