I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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