I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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