Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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