My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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