She's JV to your varsity
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
