I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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