In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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