My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
