a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize