I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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