I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
