you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
