i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
