I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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