So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
