considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
